Archive for the ‘Rory’s Posts’ Category

Static (ZAPOW!!) Electricity. (Rory)

May 1, 2007

Hi all. I came across this article. Found it interesting.

I’m going to hi-light a few things.

 Crackling Planets

August 10, 2005: Have you ever walked across a wool carpet in leather-soled shoes on a dry winter day, and then reached out toward a doorknob? ZAP! A stinging spark leaps between your fingers and the metal knob.

That’s static discharge–lightning writ small.

Static discharge is merely annoying to anyone on Earth living where winters have exceptionally low humidity. But to astronauts on the Moon or on Mars, static discharge could be real trouble.(Could? I thought people have been on the moon)

see captionRight: Beware the door knob. [More]

“On Mars, we think the soil is so dry and insulating that if an astronaut were out walking, once he or she returned to the habitat and reached out to open the airlock, a little lightning bolt might zap critical electronics,” explains Geoffrey A. Landis, a physicist with the Photovoltaics and Space Environmental Effects Branch at NASA Glenn Research Center in Cleveland, Ohio.

This phenomenon is called triboelectric charging.

The prefix “tribo” (pronounced TRY-bo) means “rubbing.” When certain pairs of unlike materials, such as wool and hard shoe-sole leather, rub together, one material gives up some of its electrons to the other material. The separation of charge can create a strong electric field.

Here on Earth, the air around us and the clothes we wear usually have enough humidity to be decent electrical conductors, so any charges separated by walking or rubbing have a ready path to ground. Electrons bleed off into the ground instead of accumulating on your body.

But when air and materials are extraordinarily dry, such as on a dry winter’s day, they are excellent insulators, so there is no ready pathway to ground. Your body can accumulate negative charges, possibly up to an amazing 20 thousand volts. If you touch a conductor, such as a metal doorknob, then–ZAP!–all the accumulated electrons discharge at once.

On the Moon and on Mars, conditions are ideal for triboelectric charging. The soil is drier than desert sand on Earth. That makes it an excellent electrical insulator. Moreover, the soil and most materials used in spacesuits and spacecraft (e.g., aluminized mylar, neoprene-coated nylon, Dacron, urethane-coated nylon, tricot, and stainless steel) are completely unlike each other. When astronauts walk or rovers roll across the ground, their boots or wheels gather electrons as they rub through the gravel and dust. Because the soil is insulating, providing no path to ground, a space suit or rover can build up tremendous triboelectric charge, whose magnitude is yet unknown. (Again. I thought we’ve been on the moon. And we don’t know what the charge is?) And when the astronaut or vehicle gets back to base and touches metal–ZAP! The lights in the base may go out, or worse.

Physicist Joseph Kolecki and colleagues at NASA Glenn first noticed this problem in the late 1990s before Mars Pathfinder was launched (Thirty years since we walked on the moon?). “When we ran a prototype wheel of the Sojourner rover over simulated Martian dust in a simulated Martian atmosphere, we found it charged up to hundreds of volts,” he recalls.

see captionThat discovery so concerned the scientists that they modified Pathfinder’s rover design, adding needles half an inch long, made of ultrathin (0.0001-inch diameter) tungsten wire sharpened to a point, at the base of antennas. The needles would allow any electric charge that built up on the rover to bleed off into the thin Martian atmosphere, “like a miniature lightning rod operating in reverse,” explains Carlos Calle, lead scientist at NASA’s Electrostatics and Surface Physics Laboratory at Kennedy Space Center, Florida. Similar protective needles were also installed on the Spirit and Opportunity rovers.

Right: Electrostatic discharge points at the base of Sojourner’s antenna. [More]

On the Moon, “Apollo astronauts never reported being zapped by electrostatic discharges,” notes Calle. “However, future lunar missions using large excavation equipment to move lots of dry dirt and dust could produce electrostatic fields. Because there’s no atmosphere on the Moon, the fields could grow quite strong. Eventually, discharges could occur in vacuum.”(Problem solved then. Use the same materials as were used on the first (and subsequent) moon landings)

“On Mars,” he continues, “discharges can happen at no more than a few hundred volts. It’s likely that these will take the form of coronal glows rather than lightning bolts. As such, they may not be life threatening for the astronauts, but they could be harmful to electronic equipment.”

So what’s the solution to this problem?

Here on Earth, it’s simple: we minimize static discharge by grounding electrical systems. Grounding them means literally connecting them to Earth–pounding copper rods deep into the ground. Ground rods work well in most places on Earth because several feet deep the soil is damp, and is thus a good conductor. The Earth itself provides a “sea of electrons,” which neutralizes everything connected to it, explains Calle.

There’s no moisture, though, in the soil of the Moon or Mars. Even the ice believed to permeate Martian soil wouldn’t help, as “frozen water is not a terribly good conductor,” says Landis. So ground rods would be ineffective in establishing a neutral “common ground” for a lunar or Martian colony.

see captionOn Mars, the best ground might be, ironically, the air. A tiny radioactive source “such as that used in smoke detectors,” could be attached to each spacesuit and to the habitat, suggests Landis. Low-energy alpha particles would fly off into the rarefied atmosphere, hitting molecules and ionizing them (removing electrons). Thus, the atmosphere right around the habitat or astronaut would become conductive, neutralizing any excess charge.

Right: Note the marsdust clinging to Sojourner’s wheels. This is indirect evidence of electrostatic charging. [More]

Achieving a common ground on the Moon would be trickier, where there’s not even a rarefied atmosphere to help bleed off the charge (Would? Have we been there or not. If we have then why the speculation?). Instead, a common ground might be provided by burying a huge sheet of foil or mesh of fine wires, possibly made of aluminum (which is highly conductive and could be extracted from lunar soil), underneath the entire work area. Then all the habitat’s walls and apparatus would be electrically connected to the aluminum.

Research is still preliminary. So ideas differ amongst the physicists who are seeking, well, some common ground (Forgive me for being sceptical. But the ‘reaserch is preliminary’? 40 years after Appolo, Neil armstrong etc..)

All the other ‘moon landings were faked stuff pales in comparison to this. NASA have admited that either; the moon landings took place (although the author of this article is confused) and we used materials for which this phenomenon does not occur (god, they were lucky! “Physicist Joseph Kolecki and colleagues at NASA Glenn first noticed this problem in the late 1990s before Mars Pathfinder was launched “ )

Or.. Well?

Bloody public transport!. (Rory)

April 7, 2007

Last but not least, Part 4

Steph, Alana and Amy all looking lovely (If more than a little cracked)

Dave Clarke. What a sour beaked cunt he is.

Dunc and Rich. Loving the Techno

Jose loving the Techno

Steph, Neal and Boz all loving the Red Stripe and Techno.

Ich bin eine bovvered? Dry your eyes bitch…

You wouldn’t get this nonsense if the red army had continued west…

Some of the exit crew. Nice tits Steph.

Jose, Boltz, Alana and Dunc in Exit.

The last word goes to Mr Bin Lairden.

Right peeps. That’s your lot for now. All this while listening to Elliott Smith. No stabbing in the dark with this lot of posts. (Boom Boom!)

at once. (Rory)

April 7, 2007

Part 3 for yo’all

The Virgin Mary (Is Sinead, Mary in Irish?)

Who’s that on the left? SPLITTER!!

Here be the lord himself!

It’s Bozzley!!!

Oi OI!

Cheer up Boz and Creegan.

Dunc and Neal. Dunc had a horrible accident while w*%king in Stockport.

Jose, looking special

Rich, some chick and that minx Tam

Mr James Murphy and Mr Richard Parks. Fucking alcos…

It’s that time again. So long for now

they come… (Rory)

April 7, 2007

Part 2 for all you dunces.

A battleship from Eire’s navy. Note the naval base behind.

Some rocks and grass of note

Even the traffic lights are red!

Note the young scallies in the top left making off with that light fixture.

L’pool’s renowned fountain of football sucess.

A small church, somewhere in L’pool.

Duncan of TMRTKK (this site) fame says; ‘IT’S NICE!!’

Neal’s related to a famous snooker player you know

Me and Bill. Christ I need a shave…

Fall asleep in our flat at your peril.

That’s all for now folks!

Like busses…(Rory)

April 7, 2007

Neal, my flatemate gave me a good idea for a post where I shamelessly plug his photography.

Here you go!


Lahn. Smells of rat piss!

Joe catchin zs

Alan and the laideez.

Quack, quack mutha fucka

I honestly don’t know what the fuck this is. Some kind of pagan mural about snakes?

Some lifelike, cow sculptures from the North coast of Norn Iron.

Carrick-a-reed rope bridge, North Antrim (I think).

Here’s one for Led Zep fans. Backdrop to cover of ‘Houses of the holy’

Arr! That be pirate cove!

That be your lot for now landlubbers!! Arr!

A life more interesting? (Rory)

April 7, 2007

I’m not in a populist mood. I have writer’s block.

I’m not in the mood for entertaining or facilitating at the moment.

So I’ll say this: dry your eyes.

If you want more from life, do more. Think and talk less. Harsh but fair.

Love and kisses xxoo


February 2, 2007

Not a long post for yo’all.

The Botanic Inns group have purchaced an outlet in my native Downpatrick.

This means only one thing…

Downpatrick now has it’s first WARMASTER tap!


Those fools might call it Warsteiner but I KNOW I’m right.

It is second (in Northern Ireland in my rightious opinion) only to BITBURGER

The outlet is Denvir’s

Happy days!

Rejoice all ye sinners for the lord hath taken thee in his mercy and brought the holy nectar to within reach of your unworthy lips.

Rory 3.69

Aiight! (Rory)

January 19, 2007

Not a long post. (Although I promise to write a proper one soon)

To the google people adding ‘Google is the best search engine’,


I’m serious I will hunt you down and kill each and every one of you.

I’ll hack google and re-direct every enquiry to ‘Ask-Jeaves’ or ‘Lycos’ or some shit.

 Then I’ll hack you up!

Don’t doubt me for a second mutha fuckers.

Ok. Thanks for your time. Scroll down and read Dunc’s adventures in the antipodies..

Manc Land the Conker delusion… (Rory)

December 24, 2006

Aiight mutha fuckas. Gots to get this shit on da road.

When I left off football had been played. We all went back to get our respective shit toegether. Rich, Alan and I got some booze and grub.

This was a bleak time as all maner of reality tv shite was tainting our collective unconsious. Saldly no one else saw the wisdom in putting FTV on, to help redeem our eternal souls by admiring the beauty of god’s creation. However, inch’Allah, fire will rain for 40 days and 40 nights on the unbelievers. Sorry if that seems harsh.

So I went to get a curry and what a good decision that was! (I like curry).

 As more and more people were arriving the flat was getting too busy. A change on scenery was needed. Some other smart people and I went to Revise to consume cold beer.

 Andy C, Raf, Alan, Sinead and I had some lovely cold beer. We talke about stuff and it’s all good. (My mind is in the midst of an imagination slump. I had several cold beers last night and can’t be fucked to be honest).

 So time was a ticking we decieded to make our way to the Southern. Outside the pub we encountered Afro-Joe (or Joe Clarke), Mark and Kirsty (Lovely people). I had the bright spark of leading everyone on a merry dance across Chorlton. I thought I knew the way having lived and worked there. Not so. We eventually reached a cul-de-sac (bloody French). Mark then came to the rescue by asking directions and we eventually got to the pub.

I’ll let the mo fo photies tell the story,


I had a moment of inspiration and a few beers. I’d just like to say to everyone reading this that I hope for many orgasms to come yo way mo fos!! Wank and fuck mutha fuckfas!!!


Aiight. May the mo sensitive of yo’all dry yo eyes and read on. This be the shit…

Alan, SInead and Neal looking happy

Mo Fo Joe, Super fro!!

Rich, Paul and Alana. Oh, and Jose looking exceedingly gay…

Sophie and Amanda in some kind of deltal exposure pact.

The lovely Mark and Kirsty

Rich, Jose, Me and Tamlyn. Someone’s lapping up male attention eh?


Alan’s not impressed…

Les freres Creegans!

The Rafatola sandwiched by Rorys

Sinead looking good at her most drunk

I could say more but then I’d have to kill you all (does that ring any bells?)

I’ll finish this off some other time. Have a good time yo’all. Fuck negitivity, fuck government. Love peace and fucking.

A Poem (Rory)

December 15, 2006

Here’s something for you all to contimplate.

For the world is ours and we are of it’s stuff. It is full of love and beauty as are we.

Never forget yourself.

Peace and love to you all,



“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

They too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

Many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.  Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,

Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a healthy discipline,

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here,

and whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

Whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.”

Special thanks to the lovely gent who brought this poem to my attention, Thanks mate.

Alexa Chung (Rory)

December 14, 2006

I discovered this young lady used work of Fashion TV. What anout that for syncronicity!

The least I could do is post a picture of her lovleyness for yo’all to admire.



Manc Land (Rory) Part 3

December 13, 2006

So I woke on Saturday morning feeling all queer and knowing something’s not right. Then it hit me. The sun was shining brightly. In Manchester.

Obviously I took this as a sign and immediatly turned on the best tv station in the world. Fashion TV.

How I missed you FTV. The girls are just as fit as I remember them and boy do I remember them. (Caroline Ribero and I will wed one day when she finds me)

After an hour or so of my contented purring Alan woke up and joined me in watching FTV. Sadly he has suffered permanent brain damage and isn’t able to enthuse as a normal person might. We were able to settle on the neutral ground of watching Baywatch repeats, Charmed and Popworld. (she’s fit so it’s worth it)

Ok. So after several hours of this Saturday morning fare, Alan and I went to visit Jose and rouse him from his casa. We walked through Guardian land, across cum-hardy and after some cajoling managed to get him to accompany us for food in some wanky new place on Beech Rd. It replaced a wankier place and the waitress was cute so I’ll give it a break. We had a fried breakfast and then left Jose to go and meet young Rafalitio in town.

I then persuaded Alan to take a ‘short cut’ back to James and Rich’s place. Sadly my sense of direction is worse than I think it is. This would lead to further ‘short cuts’…

We arrived back to find James, Rich and Shelly alive and well. As we were playing football at the JJB we needed to get our proverbial skates on. After some last minute calls and negotiating we arranged for the Donovan brothers to meet us there and have some footy mayhem.

It is situated beside the Basilica of Mammon, The Trafford Centre. Fuck it’s corrupt, corpulent soul. May a pox be on those who profit from it’s existance.

The match.

We lined up as; Parks, Raf, Breeny, Alan and Jose. Against; A Creegan, J Creegan, Simon, Seb and myself. The first 10 mins were one sided. Parks’ team running riot, scoring freely. Obviously it was an early setback. I had yet to unleash a touch, let alone a bosh.

Then we got our passing in gear and Seb cleared the cobwebs to pull off some stunning saves. With a shut out on the cards we piled on the pressure with the Creegans and Simon smashing the ball past Jose many times. I too was on hand with some deft ‘outside of the foot’ finishes.

I wasn’t sure about astroturf having never played on it before but it’s ok. I take Alan’s point that slide tackling should be avoided though.

Rich and Shelly watched the proceedings and Shelly pronounced a joint man of the match award to Richard Parks and Andy Creegan. Well done lads! I was too lazy to have much of a sweat on but scored 5 past Jose (just to give added value to my finishing).

5 a Side wasn’t actually as insane an idea as I first thought. It refreshed the system ready for more drinking! Later homes

Interlude (Rory)

December 11, 2006

Before I get my lazy, workshy ass back to finishing the Manc Land chronicles I have something to say.

 Lambs are not more deserving of your sympathies than other animals.

Is that clear?

Why should someone be critisised for eating Lamb as opposed to, lets say beef?

Is it the age of the animal in question?

Is there an age limit such that older animals are off your love list?

If that’s the case you are a deluded fuck.

Maybe it’s the cuteness of the animal in question.

Ickle bunnie wabbits are sooo cute!

Fuck you you moron. They’re fucking suculent and tasty.

This false morality regarding animals needs to stop. You are either; in favour of the ‘meat is murder’ philosophy. (i.e. all consumption of meat is wrong),

or; don’t give a fuck.

It’s that simple. Seriously. If your ethical whirlygig of whim and fancy disagrees then you’re a hypocrite. And plain wrong.

I would like to say that I am a vegitarian (argie style) who eats meat every day. Stuff that in your herbal pipe and smoke it.

Manc Land (Rory) Part 2

December 8, 2006

Aiight homies. It’s all love, ye hea’?

So I arrived in Manchester on Thursday night and went straight to the pub. (That’s what I’m talkin about!). I met with James and Rich in Revise and we had some pleasant, cold lager.  There were a couple of their friends there (can’t remember names), nice blokes but they left after a while. So as we caught up and chatted shit we were joined by a lovely girl named Rachel. She said she designed trainers and was from Rhyl (”full of bloody paedophiles!!” we were told). It seems she was fighting a losing battle with her blood-alcohol levels.

James asked her the question; ‘If you could kill one person in the world, who would it be?’. Rachel, quick as a flash (from a Rhyl paedo no doubt), replied; ‘The bastard who killed Diana!!’.

Wow! They better watch out! I tried some of my conspiracy shit on her but to no avail. Seems she is convinced it were Charlie wot dun it. Her somewhat fit, geordie mate joined us briefly but nothing would save this conversation. After she went to powder her nose we drank up and scarpered. Never mind Rachel; if your reading this; ‘It was the queen mum.’ (mind she wasn’t driving a moped. she called the hit) 

James, having work in the morning went to bed. Rich, being workshy (only joking) stayed up for a while and we drank some tasty rum.  On Friday Rich had to go into town for a docs appointment so I went along.  Apart from having to give Rich directions into town and industrial extortion at the hands of NCP carparks, everything went ok. I left Rich to his appt and went for a dander round the city centre. Everything seems brighter and bigger than I remember. I felt a bit self consious as a scruff, particularly when a big issue seller declined to offer me one and turned his back on me! (fuck you man. I can afford the big issue. It’s just that I’m a tight bastard!).

There’s a massive ferris wheel (the ‘manchester japs eye’ or summit) by Exchange Square and it appears they’ve finished the Arndale shopping centre. That nicotine stained brick effect was so 1970s.

I don’t remember being hassled by so many chuggers (charity muggers). The mutha fuckas are on yo ass from when you step onto Market street and every 10 meters or so there after.

Anyway, Rich and I met up again and went back to Chorlton, bought some ‘del-italia, half chiabatas’, avoided some soap dodgers in Unicorn and settled in for an afternoon of nothing at all.

Later, Alan and a lovely lady by the name of Shelly came via their respective trains for the weekend of festivities. We got some wine and some curry before going out. Rich had his Chrimbo, work party. James and Shelly went for some karaoke. Alan and I waited for Jose before going for a quick local beer and then settling in for a couple at the house. Several hours later after borrowing James keys mind, a volley of stones hitting the window woke me.

 It seems James, Shelly and Rich wanted in and were fed up standing outside. I did the decent thing and let them all into their house. Sorry.

Right. Lunch over. Will be back on Monday for the latest instalment. May all of you find contentment and fufilment this weekend. Love and kisses.

Manc Land (Rory) Part 1

December 7, 2006

Good day to you all. May pleasant things be forthcoming and for love and contentment be bywords in your life’s tale.

 I was in the Northern English metropolis of Mancheater this weekend past and nothing was to my disapointment (except for the unreasonable demands sleep made of me Sunday morning. More on this later)

I will add that I dispise airports, the mindsets of their security staff and the processed nature of traveling trough them. Fuck you airports!

 The occasion for my visit was the joint goodby party for the gentlemen, Richard Bibby and James Creegan. They have been sharing a flat in Chorlton-cum-Hardy but are traveling to antipodean and oriental shores respectively. Work demands that Rich be in Austrailia for Thursday but I believe that James will be around till new years.

 I flew over on Thursday from Belfast. Having not flown for a while and the fact I was flying domesticaly, I was unprepared for the fucking Nazi like behaviour of the security. Don’t get me wrong. Individuals doing their jobs were pleasant if humourless.  Would I be prevented from carrying a bottle of water onboard a train or bus? Would I be ‘patted down’ in a manner which bordered on the sexually invasive? 

Of course if I were to get a train or bus from London to Manchester, none of this would happen. I believe (unless I slept in and missed the changeover) Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. I am also of the belief that the manner of the searches, ridiculous prohibition of liquids and unessesary powers given to underpaid, overworked, bored airport security, is all about conditioning us for future restrictions/conditions in travel.

How long before the same happens when boarding a train or bus? Accept this unessesary shite now and expect more later! ***NO LIVES HAVE BEEN SAVED BY BANNING BOTTLES OF WATER FROM AIRPLANES*** Ok? ***NO LIVES HAVE BEEN SAVED BY MAKING PASSENGERS TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES AND PASSING THEM THROUGH THE X-RAY*** Is this clear enough?

 Alright maybe I’m getting a bit too emotional but think about it…

On with the show next time.

Word up (Rory)

October 17, 2006

Whas’up my nigga?

How’s it hangin?

Arright homes, where you been at?

How the game playa?

What the fuck goin on up in this mutha fuck?

Is it all love homes?

Who dat ho? Hmm, mmm. That’s right. You know it’s true.

Nigga, what the fuck goin on?

Shit negro? Mutha fucka you know dat dem ho’s gettin it on is da bomb. Shee’it playa.

Late’a homes. It’s all love xxx  


October 16, 2006

Hello, how are you?

Is all right with you?

What stories have you to tell from the last time we spoke?

Work treating you ok?

What would you like to do given the time and space?

Is love in your heart?

Who do you want to make love with?

Can anyone explain what goes on and why?

God created lesbianism. Is this his greatest gift to mankind? (discuss)

I love you all xxx 

The start of another season of real football. (Rory)

August 22, 2006

Right, you hairy holed monkeys. Another Season hath begun. Any nonsense regarding the world cup (apart from frequent mentions of ‘hangovers’ from the press) should be well and truly over.

All the no-marks who start getting interested in football I guess roughly every 4 years have kindly fucked off to equestrianism or felching or whatever they do normally.

First thing first. I’m looking forward to what should be a closer fought season in the top flight. More than recently anyway. Chelsea, Arsenal and Man U all look to be strong this season and could give Liverpool a run for their stolen national oil wealth/bank loans and advertising deals/elderly American’s property scam money.

Course Liverpool aren’t squeeky clean but I don’t give a fuck. Biased; yes!

I’d do a predictions thingy but it would read, league champs:Liverpool, Fa Cup: Liverpool, European Cup: Liverpool, etc.. You might have noticed a trend. Good. Got to aim high afterall.

My early prediction for best summer buy is Fabio (Man of Gold) Aurelio. Looks the business. Flop of the season, Ballack. Big payday. Not interested.

Top Scorer; Terry Henry (again). Player of the Season; Steve Gerrard(again). Young Player of The Season(If it was awarded fairly); Momo Sissoko.

Relegation; Sheff Utd(BOO), Everton(You can live in hope), and (Plucky) Watford.

We play the Asian team M. Haifa tonight in the European Cup qualifying 2nd leg tonight. Shower of schmucks have been grilling Rafa in Kiev at the press conference. BOO! It’s a good job for some people that I’m not in charge. Although I might be some day…

Just to address the percieved lack of racial balance, ‘Christians are tarts’. Happy now?

Good luck redmen. May the rest of the teams have an interesting season.

Random Post(Rory)

July 27, 2006

This is chucklesome and faintly disturbing.

 G.W. Bush in Rome

Ok nothing too untoward.

Bush 2

Is he going to stranggle Merkle?

Bush 3

No, he’s giving her a friendly massage!

Bush 4

Hmm, he looks zonked and she looks disturbed

Bush 5

Right, she’s had enough and he’s going to find another person to touch.

You can’t make this shit up…

The ‘What Natasa might look like’ post. (Rory)

July 21, 2006

After being kindly asked I can only but oblige.

 Natasa 1

 Natasa 2 

 Natasa 3

And lastly (I can’t resist repeating my self) Natasa 4

Ok. After insulting Dunc, Natasa and the vast majority of politically correct Serbia (although not nearly enough). I had better lie low before one of their infamous hitmen puts a cap in my ass.

Well as it happens I have only next week when I’ll have regular inter-web access. So I’ll try and think of something to write.

FAO DUNC. The cover of the Independant newspaper today was quite funny in a (holy shit! they’re bastards!) kind of way.

It has on the left, a picture of all of the flags of the UN nations who voted for a resoloution for a cease fire in the middle-east. On the right a picture of the flags of the nations who where against. Just 3 flags against. Isreal (not surprising for the war-mongers), the US (again not surprising given that they bankroll Isreal), and our very own democratic peace loving Labour government!

All govenments are liars and murderers but some governments are more duplicitious and murderous than others.

Germania, Germania vafancoulo!!(Rory)

July 5, 2006

Wow! What a game. That was one of the best games I’ve ever seen. Italy played like legends and no diving or playacting!

Germany were good but not good enough. I have a feeling that they needed to kill off extra time and the German best equiped to do that was not selected for the squad. Jurgen: you should have picked Didi Hamman.

BTW. The German fans sang ‘You’ll never walk Alone’ after the game (and mangled it, the chumps). Well the shots of Ballack crying his eyes out after the final whistle made me think. Ballack’s gona have to get used to YNWA being the soundtrack to his tears and dissapointment.

Bring on the Charity Shield and the start of the Premiership. Then the real football shall begin.

The S*N(Rory)

July 4, 2006

It’s not like me to get rilled by the tabloid media but this has gotten up my goat(and gotten it pregnant with hate and infected with stds)

The paper in question has called Jamie Carragher a ‘bottler’ because he missed his retaken peno. The English coaching staff have had a go also because he took his disallowed effort before the ref blew the whistle. Not that they didn’t do their jobs.

Does that stike you as a little off the mark considering the actions of Rooney, the lack of form of Lampard (who missed his, but, no tabloid smear), Stevie Gerrard missing his and Paul Robinson not saving one Portugese effort. No smear for either of them.

Carra’s a bottler because he came off the bench with one minute remaining specifically to take a peno. Is that a contradiction? Where was ‘that rat featured manc cunt’, Ferdinand, Terry(hey, dry your eyes mate), Cole… I mean fucking come on! Where were the other players who didn’t offer to take one? Are they not bottlers?

It’s a classic S*n smear. Detract attention from their coulmnist Rooney, the shite tactics, the woeful subs(and I include Carra in that) and the English mental block when it comes to penos.

 Fuck them: Don’t buy the S*n.

Fur-wank (Rory)

June 30, 2006

People who have tickets for the upper tiers, behind the goals, for tomorrows 1/4 final clash between England and Portugal are disapointed to learn that frank Lampard has been passed fit.

Oh well.

Sun Tzu (Rory)

June 30, 2006

Who prey tell is this chap you might ask?

He is of course the man credited with the Chinese Remainder Theroem which appeared in his book; ‘Sun Tzu Suan Ching’ roughly translated into English as ‘Master Sun’s Mathematical Manual’. You dolts!

Having opened up a conspiracy can of worms I thought I’d calm things down with some ‘math’. 

As it would be beneath me to explain to plebian sorts as yourselves I have, after much research on google, provided a link which explains the theorem in ‘laymans terms’.

Mathworld: what a fun sounding place!

This Sun Tzu is not the same one as he who wrote ‘The Art of War’. Different guys, different centurys.

It has lots of applications in stuff and is used for ‘this and that’. Vital shit.

Anyway, Maths is Great!

Well that’s it as regards the CRT. 

There’s only one Graham Poll (Rory)

June 23, 2006

Wow! I don't think I've seen someone I dislike as much as him, press the self destruct button on the world stage. That was fantastic.

Well bloody done Poll, you labial wart.

 It's cheered me up no end. Into the history books I may add. First ref at the world cup finals to give the same player 3 yellow cards, THEN send him off. Superb! More to the point he's the premiership's representitive. What does that say about the standard of domestic refereeing?


June 22, 2006

Liverpool FC have confirmed the signing of Craig Bellamy, brother of the internationaly famous botanist.

The Wales striker's absence of neck will compiment Peter Crouch's abundance of neck and indeed other limbs.

The 'boyhood red' says he plans to work extremely hard to win over fans and sceptics alike. I would personally like to welcome Craig and with his slate being clean in my eyes I hope he fires us to 19.  

Ing-GER-lund (Rory)

June 21, 2006

Perhaps these posts are more bellonging to 'Rory's non-existant World Cup blog' but I'm a child of the media age and the insidious hype bombardment has me in a spin.

I'm more and more becoming enthralled by the carnival that is the England squad.

I try and avoid watching tv news magazines but from what I've seen there are people dying the world over, Iraq is increasingly hellish for the Iraqis and the invaders, our government is allowing sensationalist tabloid journalism to lead the way in pollicy decisions but wait: NEWS JUST IN; WAYNE ROONEY FIT FOR ENGLAND Vs SWEEDEN!! It's insane!

To be fair the tv news is not very informative anyway but there was a time in my childhood when I remember news being dull repetition of 'facts'. Now it's as if Heat and Hello editors have a say-so in BBC news production and content. Even scarier is ITN news. It's as if they watched the excellent satire that is Brass Eye and thought that it was a benchmark for future news format and content. Seriously. Watch an episode of Brass Eye and an edition of ITN news and play 'spot the difference'. 

Ok. There is still Channel 4 news which goes under the guise and format of a serious news bulletin but when Channed 5's (or 5!)  news bulletin comes across as more serious than the BBC we're in deep shit. I point back to the Hutton Enquiry and the emasculation of the BBC because they 'were creative with the Enlish language' as opposed to 'told barefaced lies which resulted in dozens of British soldiers being killed and countless (because the powers that be don't keep count of civilian deaths) Iraqis'.

Now call me a cynic but do we need more tabloid journalism? Will we be happier, evolve more rapidly because we know that Colleen hasn't enough clothes with her in Germany? I thought that the BBC is a vehicle for news not shite. End of.

 To the match… Well I think Swen learned a thing or two. Lampard needs lots and lots of shots before he scores (or not). Ferdinand is suspect (and suspect defensively, just to stay on topic). Beckham contributes zero (that's nothing, zip) other than his dead-ball delivery and when that's going right for him he's a fucking liability. Oh, and Sol need's to beware the voices!

Swen's and England's hopes lie with a teenage scouser (who was fantastic last night) Joe Cole whom had a good match (great goal, not that he'll score another fluke like that in a million years) and Steve Gerrard. (pronounced: ger-ARRD not GERR-ard.)

I'm starting to think that I want England to go all the way. It's unhealthy I know, but I can't not watch when the're on telly. I guess I want to have my cake(not the Chris Morris stuff) and see England lose but still see them get to the Final. It's confusing…

Right love you all. Peace, love and fufilment to everyone.

 Rory xx

Stuff (Rory)

June 13, 2006

I'm finding it difficult (as always) to maintiain a coherent train of thought. It's not that I'm scatty, my memory is excelent. It's just that the things I want to express are not easy to articulate. Hmm…where am I going with this?

I have points of view or opinions on a great variety of topics and phenomena. I also hold some opinions which I do not actually believe in (is that strange?).  There are some things I am certain of (mathematically). For example: if God exists then they (it, him, her…) don't need me to visit a place of worship or give money to men in dresses (cassocks) to prove to him that I believe. Kind of suggests organised relegion is, well, redundant in my eyes. I am also passionate about football. I believe some of the things I say yet deep down I know how irrelevant football is to us.

Before I badmouth football to much. I still love you LFC.

 Ok. So there are things we learn and things we know? Newborn babies hold their breath underwater. People support Man U! We have a choice based on the information we recieve. If we're given wrong info or lied to, we might not make an accurate decision. If people listen to comercial radio, watch primetime tv, read all the same shitty tabloids, the're going to share the same tastes, opinions, values…

Pride as in National. Maybe I'm out of order but I think there are better things to be prideful about. Irish. What does that mean? An Island called Ireland whose indigenous population are known as the Irish. What does indigenous mean? Shit! Ok. Are the Irish bees proud that the're Irish and not Italian?

One hundred years ago national pride meant an inbred rulling class, privilaged through birth, would sent you to be kill or be killed by like minded others whose inbred rulling class, privilaged through birth, had sent them to fight you. Now it means drinking too much and racialising just about everyone.

Are you proud of your hair? Are you proud of the hospital you're born in? Are you proud of the car you parents drove? How many aspects of yourself do you have influence over? How many of these things are you proud of?

Enough. I've to go back to work soon. Italy are looking good. Luca Toni is as dangerous a stiker as I've seen in a while. These bastardos know how to defend. Chezki look good also and the Argies. England need Sven to drop Lampard/Gerrard and play Carrick or Hargreaves(or Jenas. Why is he there?). Brasil, Brazil, vaffanculo!

I hope all is well with everyone and that your dreams come true!

Lots of love,

Rory xx

G’day (Rory)

June 12, 2006

Hello all. Good to hear our brethren from these isles are giving us all a good reputation. I'd just like to say the Irish are just as well behaved but the stereotype is that of the british lout not the Irish one. I can affirm that Irish lads are (when drunk); as rude, xenophobic and as classless as the british. Just needed to share…

Ok. World cup started. Too many goals for my liking. Not enough caution and cynicism. Although fair play to Portugal for not tearing up Angola like they should have. Some good fitba (Argentina, Ivory Cst), some dreadful (England, Paraguy). I think this world cup (although in it's infancy) needs revving up. Hooligans!! Where are those joyous souls who smashed up Marseille's city centre? They can't all have been banned and even if, I don't credit the home office or whoever, with the ability to have done so successfully. What's that thing where you enjoy seeing another's misfortune? It's german whatever it is.

Oh yeah, Germans. You didn't bring Didi Hamman. You're gona lose.

I’m bored (Rory)

June 6, 2006

Right you slags.

I'm at work as I write this, the sun is splitting stones, I'm in an office… OK I shouldn't  complain but that's exactly what I'm doing.

 Right. WORLD CUP is about to begin. Fuck England hype. Fuck Brazil and their mythalogical almost demi-gods status. Fuck all the shitty, no-mark teams who are lucky to get a point from their 3 group games.  Fuck all the incessant, pretty much blanket advertising and force fed marketing crap. Most of all fuck the shite, no mark, meff commentators who will, without fail, drive me to random violence with their quirky brand of headwrecking.

As you have, by now gathered, I can't wait!!! Come on the pragmatic Serbs and their refusal to play football. World class destroyers. Come on Italy! ruin the enjoyment of the neutral wanting to see free flowing football. I hope every match is a 0-0 bore draw!!!

Ok not quite. I want one match, at the very least, to have a scoreline. If England reach the knockout stages that is. And I want the other team to win…

All you England fans might find this disagreeable. Well sorry mates. But I just don't like the FA. Don't mind the players(Bar G. Neville who is a grade A, inbred manc, cunt). The FA are scum, the press are scum and also are the no mark english fans with nothing better to do than read the s*n, racialise scousers, give the likes of Crouch stick for being anything other than the movie star handsome hunk they aspire to be.  Fuck you and I hope your team goes out early so my Liverpool players get some extra rest. To the other 90% of the England fans out there; best of luck, I hope S. Gerrard, J. Carragher, P. Crouch, and S. Carson come back unscathed.

You may have guessed that I am opinionated. You're right. And if you guessed correctly than that's the only thing you're right about. Everything else is conjecture…till I prove it otherwise.

Hey, enjoy the nice weather, be good to people around you as we are all one (collective unconsious), and live with love in your hearts. I hope all of you have good fortune in the comming few weeks.

Love and hugs and kisses,